Episode Two: Think Oily (Re)Act Locally

Episode Two: Think Oily (Re)Act Locally
5/23/08
(Written using solar electricity.)

Memorial Day weekend is coming. Vroom. Vroom. Let’s spend some time honoring the memories of all the soldiers who gave their lives for U.S. imperialism and ensuring the continued flow of crude oil to our shores. Lets remember their contribution by burning as much oil in one weekend as we possibly can. This will ensure that more and more soldiers will follow in their footsteps to their graves. Talk about job security…for the military industrial complex.

This just in from NPR: (Sorry, I did not catch the source, but I suspect a AAA spokesman.) Even though gas prices are high, they are not high enough to prevent people from taking their kids on vacation this weekend. Driving has not yet been significantly curtailed in America. “It’s still the least expensive way for a group of people to travel.” Does that include the cost of the Iraq war? Does it include the clean up after Katrina? Does it include Miramar/Burma? Tornados in Atlanta? Crop failures in Australia due to drought? Asthma? Oil spills? Squashed turtles?

Squashed turtles make me unbelievably sad. It takes decades for the females of many species of turtle to reach sexual maturity. During that time they have to find food, avoid predators, overwinter, etc. Then as soon as these lovely ladies get knocked up and head for the hills to lay their eggs they come across route 11, or route 22, or route 66 where Memorial Day weekenders are getting their kicks. You know the rest of the story. Mrs. Yertle gets pancaked along with her eggs along with all of their hopes and dreams of a bright reptilian future. Eggs have rights, right Mitt? Or did you change your mind again?

This just in from Juno, Alaska: Electricity rates up 400% to 500%! This is not a joke. An avalanche wiped out the power lines from a hydroelectric dam so the city cranked up diesel generators to reestablish supply. (If you have not noticed, diesel prices are a little high right now.) So in a matter of weeks the city of Juno has cut electricity use by 30%. How? Lots of simple, little solutions. Spokesperson: “I don’t know anyone who uses incandescent light bulbs anymore.”

It’s the economy, stupid! The vast majority of Americans do not respond to environmental arguments. I know. That’s been my job for eighteen years. A heck of a lot of people just do not give a shit. We failed miserably on climate change.

I want my SUV!

Most Americans only respond to cash. “Show me the money!” More like, “Show me the price tag.” Four dollars a gallon?!?

I don’t want my SUV!

And for the first time since Carter (Bless you Jimmy) Americans are seeking out more fuel-efficient vehicles. People are dumping their SUVs at below Kelley Blue Book value. Meanwhile, old school Hondas and Toyotas are gaining value. This is the first major public indication that the value of things that are energy inefficient will from now on be approaching zero while things that are energy efficient will approach infinity. For this major economic transition I am well positioned. The post-petroleum lifestyle that I have developed over the last 20 years has informed my investment decisions: bicycles, panniers, B.O.B. trailer, solar electricity, wheel barrows, garden carts, bow saws, hammers, high wheel cultivators, organic fertilizer, scythes, push reel (also real) mowers, loppers, axes, mauls (not malls), hand-crank coffee grinder, French press, wind-up radio, wood stoves, solar hot water system, solar parabolic cooker, rakes, picks, shovels and implements of destruction (town dump also closed on Thanksgiving).

What do all of these investments have in common?

This just in from NPR: Obesity is a major problem in America, and increasingly for employers. “Americans are getting fatter faster.” (Alliterative quote of the day!) We’re talking health care costs here. Think diabetes and hypertension. Wonder how that happened?

This just in from NPR: “High oil prices may push the economy into a recession.” Fuck me!

“The government tends to make things look better than they actually are.” Fuck me!

It takes six to eighteen months for economists to look back on the economy to determine whether there was a recession. Interesting. It also takes time to look back and identify Peak Oil. It is also something that is only identified in hindsight. The problem is that once Peak Oil has been tagged it may be too late to extract so many collective heads from so many collective anuses. But that has not kept me from trying. (I am the most optimistic person you’ll ever meet.)

In my experience, environmentalists are proactive and economists are reactive. So after 20 years as a failed environmentalist I am embarking on a new career as an economist. My greatest asset is that I’ve never taken an economics course in my life.

I am now a reactionary. I am reacting to a crisis that finally people are starting to understand. Apparently 80% of Americans now believe that the price of oil will never go back down. This is the most significant survey data published since…survey data first became published. So, my peeps. Rise up and be heard! You say you want a revolution? Follow me! My portrait would look great on a t-shirt.

Obama – I changed my mind. Make me the next Federal Reserve Chair.
Stewart – I wait for your reply, Daily.
Colbert – Grow a pair.
Beck – Grow your hair.
Jack – I’m serious. I have an awesome song called Last House on the Road. No F-bombs, I promise.

Peace and Post petroleum, Nedly, RfD

noslen.obel@gmail.com